I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize