worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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