my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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