sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize