Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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