If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
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I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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