My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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