sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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