party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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