Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize