the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize