He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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