Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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