she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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