I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
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I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize