Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize