Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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