I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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