guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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