i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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