I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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