I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
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What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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