I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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