she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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