If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize