whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We smell like vodka and hangover
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