So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
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The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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