Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!

(1-703): View more from Virginia

I see a marketing opportunity

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(903): View more from Texas

I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"

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(718): View more from New York

Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(850): View more from Florida

i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come

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(770): View more from Georgia

I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.

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(714): View more from California

He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.

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(310): View more from California

I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.

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