I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
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Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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