Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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