I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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