we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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