I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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