I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize