I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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