i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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