I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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