I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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