There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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