just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize