There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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