I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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