You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
