Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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