After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize