things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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