I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize