He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
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I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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