If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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