You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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