i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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