Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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